During the past months I kept wondering what purpose the concept “family” has.
Why do people raise kids and try everything to stay together, with more or less success?
Don’t get me wrong, I love my family, they are wonderful people, but I asked myself what sense does it make, if everyone goes their own way eventually anyway, and if you get along best if you only see each other every once in a while?
I just had my family visiting me for 2 and a half weeks. I tried to enjoy it but I truly failed.
Most of the time I was grumpy, unbalanced, impatient and annoyed, and I had no idea why.
It had nothing to do with them, because they did their thing and they didn’t need me around. They had their own car and often went off to explore the island without me, but then I’d feel guilty and responsible, so that didn’t really work out for me either.
Today I reflected about why I couldn’t stand myself the past two weeks.
I kept wondering why they still wanted to spend time with me and how they still showed me their love even though I was this angry little brat with the face of grumpy cat all the time.
I really had a hard time loving myself during those days and the more love I got from my family the more I pushed them away.
What I finally understood is, what family is about, at least, what my family is about and I am truly and deeply grateful for it!
They let me be.
They didn’t try to change me, they didn’t try to cheer me up.
They didn’t take it personally, although they had their own issues and their own problems to deal with, they stayed centered and never held my moodiness against me.
They never blamed me for anything, instead they kept telling me how grateful they were to be here and how lucky they were for this chance. That just made me feel more guilty at the time, but I also knew that they truly meant it.
They still appreciated their time here – even the one they spend with me.
I really don’t know how they did it. But I think that’s what family is for:
They stay even during our bad days, when our dark side is coming out, when everyone else would walk away.
They stay and love us, even if we don’t know how they do it, or why.
They love us because THEY want to love us and there is nothing we can do about it, no matter how hard we try.
They love and they forgive us because they know who we really are and they are patient enough, even if we are not.
They love us even when we push them away, because they know that’s when we need it the most.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you…