It was the first time ever that my Dad and I spent a week together, just the two of us.
Frantically I tried to keep him entertained in order to have a great time together. I wanted him to have fun and be comfortable.
The word ‘frantically’ might already give away that those plans didn’t quite work out. I was actually pretty tensed and even though I tried to hide it, my Dad got stressed, too, of course.
I realized that I used to be like that in relationships, too: I used to focus too much on the other person and his needs than on what I need and just do my own thing. In partnerships I have learned from past mistakes over the years, but it was now that I found out where all of the patterns and fears come from.
The fear to make mistakes, to not be loved, the attempt to “earn” love out of fear to not be (good) enough, just to mention a few that just come to my mind.
Even if I didn’t succeed this time, I am now learning to leave the responsibility for the other one’s happiness where it belongs: with him.
And I also start to trust that I am loved for who I am, not for what I do or don’t do. Including my patterns and fears that I am slowly getting more and more aware of to let them go, step by step.
It’s not in our control if someone loves us or not, even if we want to. The harder we try and the more we do, the more we are holding on to that person and simultaneously push them away from us.
That is another painful experience that I had to make.
As a matter of fact, the fears are unfounded because I know my Dad loves me just the way I am.
The little girl that I used to be, just didn’t understand that grown ups sometimes have a hard time showing the love. But it is always there, and it always will be.