As exciting as it is to start a new chapter of my life, somewhere on a beautiful island, with crystal clear water, beaches and sunshine almost every day, it also has a pretty painful downside:
Saying good bye to the beloved ones I that I am leaving behind.
Even if it’s a ‘see you later’ rather than a ‘good-bye’ , we don’t know when ‘later’ is.
Nowadays with whatsapp, skype, email and pretty cheap international phone contracts, it’s easier than ever, to stay close to each other, no matter how big the distance is. However, it does not replace the physical closeness to family and friends.
Sitting together and having long conversations (in 3D) with old friends are not possible anymore. Horseback riding with my sister, or giving a friend a call to meet him or her spontaneously in the city center, running into other friends by chance, is also a beautiful thing that now belongs to the past.
New friends have to be made and we all know that this is not quite easy.
I love my life on the island so far. I have met some really wonderful people but it’s only been three weeks, which is not a lot, so I can’t really say much at this point.
The last days I have been back in Austria to organize some important stuff. I had the chance to meet some really good old friends again, and I spent a lot of time with my family. It was beautiful being reunited with people I love. But with that comes the pain of saying good-bye.
I came to realize that it’s the fear of exactly that pain, that often stops me from feeling and showing the love that I have for others. Not just once have I tried to hide my tears the last days, trying to be tough and strong, probably more for myself than for others. Admitting that I am sad and feeling the pain, might make me question my decision to live abroad.
Yes, of course, there are moments where I wonder, what I am trying to find somewhere else in the world, that I don’t seem to find ‘at home’…
And even if I don’t have a satisfying answer (yet?) I trust, and trust is all I’ve got.
No journey I did by myself was ever comfortable because during each one I faced truly painful moments. Moments of loneliness, of good byes, of realizations, moments of letting go of others, as well as parts of my self, that didn’t serve me anymore.
So far I have learned, no matter how far I travel, I am always getting closer to myself, finding another piece of ‘home’ within me. And that’s worth every pain that comes along the way.